Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Goo Goo in GOOZOO (Gozo, Malta)
Ok. So I am in Malta with my buddy and we decided to take a tour bus to visit the island of Gozo. (Yes these places exist and everyone needs to see them before they die) My friend warned me about group activities with the general public, especially tour buses that are populated with English tourists... knowing full well that I am pretty anti-social and snarky. The tour bus was supposed to meet us at our hotel at like 8am so I was already kinda grouchy because I hate mornings. We wait. And we wait. And we WAIT. Its like 8:45, no tour bus, so my buddy goes inside to call and find out what the flip is going on.
They forgot to pick us up. Yes they did. So we are like WTF? They said they would send someone to drive us to the ferry and the tour bus would pick us up in Gozo while the other passengers were at some tchachka place (that sells all kinds of kitchy stuff). Fine. So we are totally mellow about the whole thing, even though the woman is apologizing left and right we are like "no big whoo dont worry about it."
The bus driver picked us up at the ferry landing and got on the tour bus, which is empty, and go back to the tchachka place to get everyone else. I am almost 6 feet tall and the bus is not, so rather than break my spine I sat up front otherwise it would take me 3 hours to maneuver myself in and out. I sit quietly looking out the window. In come the passengers, who knew we had been left behind. We go to a local church, get out and tool around inside. We then go to pile back in to the bus and I sit in the same seat I had before and stare out the window. my buddy is chatting it up with the bus driver because she is friendly for some reason I don't understand. I then hear "excuse me". I ignore it. I then hear it AGAIN, louder and more nasally. I am thinking "No one in their right mind would be talking to me, but just in case someone is feeling the need to live dangerously, let me turn around. I do. And there it stands in front of me. this short little man carrying a large purse.
I give him my best new york "what the fuck do YOU want" look. He proceeds to tell me "You are sitting in our seats" (he has his fishy wife standing next to him). I yawn and say "so". He says again "you are sitting in our seats". I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is deaf and say, LOUDER, "SO"? He moves closer to me, bad move on his part. I am thinking "little man one more step and I am going to beat you senseless with your man bag you douche" and he is going on and on and ON about how we are sitting in his seats. I told him "So what. It doesn't have your name on it. It is not assigned seating. When I got on this bus no one was on it so how the fuck was I supposed to know what seats were "empty", and since you insist on making such a big woo about it rather than sitting down and shutting your piehole I REFUSE to get up." Man bag and his wife decide to TELL ON ME to the other passengers! I haven't been "told on" since GRAMMAR SCHOOL.
I am sitting in my seat sending telepathic messages to my friend that she better get her ass on the bus or have bail money because I am 15 seconds away from getting up in this man's face and I know I could take HIM and his wife. He then tells me that he is from England and has taken numerous tours and everyone from England knows that everyone must keep the same seat as when they started and it is impolite to switch seats. So I tell him I am from New York and where I come from no one in their right mind would act out like he is over a damn seat on a tour bus and not expect to get the shit kicked out of him.
My buddy gets on the bus and is like "wtf is going on" and I proceed to tell her, LOUDLY, to sit down and get this man out of my face before I kill someone. She sits down and man bag and his wife take the seat behind us. The couple who WERE sitting in those seats gave them to them because of their acting out. So, the whole way to our next destination I explained to my friend what an imbecile, make that a LUCKY imbecile that still has his teeth left, the man bag dude is. We get off at yet another destination and I am still pissed. When it comes time to get back on the bus again we tell the bus driver to let everyone on before us so we can discover what seats are left for us, lest we have another "incident" with another acting out passenger which will clearly have me spending time in a Gozo prison. He tells us to just get on the bus. We give our best snarky "see? told ya you morons" look to man-bag and his fish wife.
By the end of the tour everyone liked us very much and totally stayed away from them, so their efforts to make us the bad guys didn't work. We toured around Gozo and had a blast. We all got off the bus and said goodbye to the tour bus driver (who was excellent btw) and suddenly he called us over. We walked over to him and he said "What was that guys problem? I am a tour bus DRIVER and I know and there is no such thing where you have to keep the same seats." we burst out laughing and went on the ferry, and I was on the lookout for bag-man and his wife so I could push them over the side. Double GOO.
They forgot to pick us up. Yes they did. So we are like WTF? They said they would send someone to drive us to the ferry and the tour bus would pick us up in Gozo while the other passengers were at some tchachka place (that sells all kinds of kitchy stuff). Fine. So we are totally mellow about the whole thing, even though the woman is apologizing left and right we are like "no big whoo dont worry about it."
The bus driver picked us up at the ferry landing and got on the tour bus, which is empty, and go back to the tchachka place to get everyone else. I am almost 6 feet tall and the bus is not, so rather than break my spine I sat up front otherwise it would take me 3 hours to maneuver myself in and out. I sit quietly looking out the window. In come the passengers, who knew we had been left behind. We go to a local church, get out and tool around inside. We then go to pile back in to the bus and I sit in the same seat I had before and stare out the window. my buddy is chatting it up with the bus driver because she is friendly for some reason I don't understand. I then hear "excuse me". I ignore it. I then hear it AGAIN, louder and more nasally. I am thinking "No one in their right mind would be talking to me, but just in case someone is feeling the need to live dangerously, let me turn around. I do. And there it stands in front of me. this short little man carrying a large purse.
I give him my best new york "what the fuck do YOU want" look. He proceeds to tell me "You are sitting in our seats" (he has his fishy wife standing next to him). I yawn and say "so". He says again "you are sitting in our seats". I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is deaf and say, LOUDER, "SO"? He moves closer to me, bad move on his part. I am thinking "little man one more step and I am going to beat you senseless with your man bag you douche" and he is going on and on and ON about how we are sitting in his seats. I told him "So what. It doesn't have your name on it. It is not assigned seating. When I got on this bus no one was on it so how the fuck was I supposed to know what seats were "empty", and since you insist on making such a big woo about it rather than sitting down and shutting your piehole I REFUSE to get up." Man bag and his wife decide to TELL ON ME to the other passengers! I haven't been "told on" since GRAMMAR SCHOOL.
I am sitting in my seat sending telepathic messages to my friend that she better get her ass on the bus or have bail money because I am 15 seconds away from getting up in this man's face and I know I could take HIM and his wife. He then tells me that he is from England and has taken numerous tours and everyone from England knows that everyone must keep the same seat as when they started and it is impolite to switch seats. So I tell him I am from New York and where I come from no one in their right mind would act out like he is over a damn seat on a tour bus and not expect to get the shit kicked out of him.
My buddy gets on the bus and is like "wtf is going on" and I proceed to tell her, LOUDLY, to sit down and get this man out of my face before I kill someone. She sits down and man bag and his wife take the seat behind us. The couple who WERE sitting in those seats gave them to them because of their acting out. So, the whole way to our next destination I explained to my friend what an imbecile, make that a LUCKY imbecile that still has his teeth left, the man bag dude is. We get off at yet another destination and I am still pissed. When it comes time to get back on the bus again we tell the bus driver to let everyone on before us so we can discover what seats are left for us, lest we have another "incident" with another acting out passenger which will clearly have me spending time in a Gozo prison. He tells us to just get on the bus. We give our best snarky "see? told ya you morons" look to man-bag and his fish wife.
By the end of the tour everyone liked us very much and totally stayed away from them, so their efforts to make us the bad guys didn't work. We toured around Gozo and had a blast. We all got off the bus and said goodbye to the tour bus driver (who was excellent btw) and suddenly he called us over. We walked over to him and he said "What was that guys problem? I am a tour bus DRIVER and I know and there is no such thing where you have to keep the same seats." we burst out laughing and went on the ferry, and I was on the lookout for bag-man and his wife so I could push them over the side. Double GOO.
Labels: English, ferry, gozo, holiday, malta, misbehaving, tour bus, tourist, tours
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Customer Service ~ Consumer Behavior
Customer service - Remember when it really existed? Remember when a business actually CARED if you were satisfied and wanted you to do business with them again? Those days seem to be a thing of the past.
If I do find excellence in customer service I make sure to give them as much of my business as I can. I would rather pay a little more than deal with a company that doesn't give a shit about service. We should all hold companies to a higher standard in their treatment of us. WE are the ones with the power.
They want to treat us like we don't matter? Well, if we no longer shop there they will cease to exist. So spend your money where you feel like you actually DO count. Refer the good companies to your friends, and share your horror stories as well. We need to show big business that they need to "court" the consumer, and not with just price, but with service.
How many times have you gone to a store and there were 10 or more people wanting to check out, but only ONE register was open AND there were employees that COULD open their registers but chose not to? And what about the managers? Why aren't they paying attention to the customer's needs? As consumers we don't care if they need a break but as managers you should schedule their breaks during non-peak times and definitely not all at the SAME time.
Take customer complaints a bit more seriously. Don't hire people to work with the public that have a shitty ATTITUDE towards the public! Trust me, I know that the general public can be a handful and change your opinion of your fellow man, but that doesn't give an employee the right to take it out on all of us! I don't care if you don't want to let someone go because you need them to cover a shift, let them go and find someone that actually wants to be there.
Now on to customer behavior. Just because someone is waiting on you does not mean you are superior to them, nor does it allow you to treat them like a peon or rudely. If you are angry with a store policy it is the STORES POLICY, and the employee is helpless to do very much for you. Sure, if they add insult to injury by treating you rudely, then complain. But always think real hard before you do. Did what this person do to you justify them possibly losing their job? For that, they should have to fuck up ROYALLY. Did they? Or were you being someone that it was impossible for them to make happy? Complaining CAN get someone fired, unable to feed or house their children, put them on the streets. Think about that before you decide to fuck with their job.
If it is the companies fault, STOP SHOPPING THERE - IMMEDIATELY!!!! But don't cause an innocent person to lose their only source of income. And another thing, its easy to complain, but why is it so hard to compliment? How many of you will rush to make a complaint yet are a lazy ass when it comes to bringing to the companies attention that they have a GOOD employee? You want to be treated well when you shop? Then make SURE the company knows who their good employees ARE. Otherwise don't bitch about a lack of customer service.
I always make sure I inform a store manager or the company itself when I have a wonderful experience with their help. I have also seen really patient clerks, who if I were in their shoes, would have hauled off expletives at the asshole consumer and refused to wait on them, yet these people never lost their cool and were professional and courteous. When it was MY turn at the register I gave the clerks my number and told them that if they hear from corporate or their boss regarding that asshole to tell them to call ME and I will vouch that the customer was a douche and that they handled it wonderfully. I have done this many many times. In closing, customer service is important, but so is customer behavior as well.
GOO!
If I do find excellence in customer service I make sure to give them as much of my business as I can. I would rather pay a little more than deal with a company that doesn't give a shit about service. We should all hold companies to a higher standard in their treatment of us. WE are the ones with the power.
They want to treat us like we don't matter? Well, if we no longer shop there they will cease to exist. So spend your money where you feel like you actually DO count. Refer the good companies to your friends, and share your horror stories as well. We need to show big business that they need to "court" the consumer, and not with just price, but with service.
How many times have you gone to a store and there were 10 or more people wanting to check out, but only ONE register was open AND there were employees that COULD open their registers but chose not to? And what about the managers? Why aren't they paying attention to the customer's needs? As consumers we don't care if they need a break but as managers you should schedule their breaks during non-peak times and definitely not all at the SAME time.
Take customer complaints a bit more seriously. Don't hire people to work with the public that have a shitty ATTITUDE towards the public! Trust me, I know that the general public can be a handful and change your opinion of your fellow man, but that doesn't give an employee the right to take it out on all of us! I don't care if you don't want to let someone go because you need them to cover a shift, let them go and find someone that actually wants to be there.
Now on to customer behavior. Just because someone is waiting on you does not mean you are superior to them, nor does it allow you to treat them like a peon or rudely. If you are angry with a store policy it is the STORES POLICY, and the employee is helpless to do very much for you. Sure, if they add insult to injury by treating you rudely, then complain. But always think real hard before you do. Did what this person do to you justify them possibly losing their job? For that, they should have to fuck up ROYALLY. Did they? Or were you being someone that it was impossible for them to make happy? Complaining CAN get someone fired, unable to feed or house their children, put them on the streets. Think about that before you decide to fuck with their job.
If it is the companies fault, STOP SHOPPING THERE - IMMEDIATELY!!!! But don't cause an innocent person to lose their only source of income. And another thing, its easy to complain, but why is it so hard to compliment? How many of you will rush to make a complaint yet are a lazy ass when it comes to bringing to the companies attention that they have a GOOD employee? You want to be treated well when you shop? Then make SURE the company knows who their good employees ARE. Otherwise don't bitch about a lack of customer service.
I always make sure I inform a store manager or the company itself when I have a wonderful experience with their help. I have also seen really patient clerks, who if I were in their shoes, would have hauled off expletives at the asshole consumer and refused to wait on them, yet these people never lost their cool and were professional and courteous. When it was MY turn at the register I gave the clerks my number and told them that if they hear from corporate or their boss regarding that asshole to tell them to call ME and I will vouch that the customer was a douche and that they handled it wonderfully. I have done this many many times. In closing, customer service is important, but so is customer behavior as well.
GOO!
Labels: consumer behavior, customer service, rudeness, what happened to customer service
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Why the TV networks really SUCK!
Ok, explain to me what exactly the "powers that be" that run the networks are smoking?
Forget that, I want to know what the "powers that be" at the networks think WE are smoking. After giving several new shows a shot, I found several that the critics gave kudos to, and that I myself really looked forward to watching. They ALL got cancelled. WTF? Many of these shows were only given ONE season as a "test". Big fucking whoo!!!
Cheers would have been sacked after season one (and possibly more) if that thinking were in affect back then. Everything about their choices seem to be unrealistic. They want a show to be an immediate hit, which would be fine, but every show CAN'T be an immediate hit! When I see some of the garbage still on (and renewed for yet another season) I wonder "WHO, for the love of God, is watching this crap?".
How do the networks expect me to give a shit about what they are going to come up with next year when this year they let me waste my time getting into a show that they let die an early death? Guess what? I'm not going to. I really wonder just how accurate the Nielson ratings are anyway? Does anyone know who the hell these people are that are giving the Nielson ratings? Can someone explain to me how this works?
The networks want an audience but they really do give us the finger in the end. Who the hell came up with the idea of starting a show in September, only to put it on hiatus during sports season, then come back on, then disappear for the holidays, then come back on, and then have their final episodes an finale? WHO CAN KEEP TRACK OF THESE SHOWS? One week they are on, then they disappear, then they come back, wtf?
Unless you have TIVO (and a lot of times that doesn't work either) you forget when they are back on. Then this other bullshit of starting other shows later in the "season" sucks ass too! You want me to watch your show? How can I if I cant FIND it and don't know when the fuck it is even ON??? Oh yeah, and lets screw it up even more by changing the day it is on mid-season too!!! Great idea!!! I could find the holy grail and GIVE IT TO JIMMY HOFFA before I could figure this shit out!!
I want to run a network. I am not going to cater to one group of people EITHER. This is how I am going to run it, unlike the morons THAT DO. First, I am going to give each show a chance. If the critics like it and people are talking about it I will consider it for another season. If it sucks the big kazoo right away and critics and the audience alike hate it, then sure, I will pull it right away. But I will give the others some TIME.
Second, just because my, for instance, reality shows are a hit, I am not going to bombard my network with nothing but reality shows. This is stupid. Some people like dramas, some like reality, some like comedy, etc. I want to appeal to a broader audience and make my network a well-rounded one.
Third, I am going to start my season's shows in the time slots they are going to STAY IN. I won't change a successful shows time slot either so I can put against another show on another network. That is just plain STUPID. This will make finding the damn show EASIER for the audience.
Fourth, if a show must end and be canceled, and it has had an audience and was successful for a time, I will respect the audience that DID spend their time watching it and allow it to end properly. What I mean is I will cancel it in time for the writers to end the show, tie up loose ends, etc. unlike "DEADWOOD", that just fucking ENDED without resolving the stories for fuck's sake and just left you hanging.
Fifth, if I was working for mtv or vh1, a channel that is ALLEGEDY about MUSIC, I would consider PLAYING MUSIC. If I wanted to do a bunch of stupid reality shows or what-not, fine, but I would still PLAY MUSIC and have music be the theme for my programming. these dating shows WITH musicians and the retards that lust after them is bad enough, but the rejects getting their own shows? Please. Music television MY ASS. This is just mind boggling. What if, for example, the history channel stopped running shows about history and started playing current music videos? Let's have the name of your network MEAN SOMETHING ok? The Arts and Entertainment network needs to change it's name, don't you think? They are really stretching it most times. Even the The Travel Channel, for fucks sake, most of their shows are about FOOD, no offense to the Anthony Bourdain, he is cool and the reigning king of snark.
Sixth, a reality show would actually have to have some reality in it, and a point as well. Watching people "act out" -- I can do at the mall. (Or pretty much ANYWHERE). Comedy Central's programming is all COMEDY. What a novel idea!!! The other networks could learn something from them when it comes to programming from THEM.
Seventh, I am not going to force you, the audience, to watch the SAME commericals during EVERY SINGLE commercial break, especially when I am trying to plug another one of my networks shows. Other than the Geico commercials, this is one of the most annoying things EVER! What idiot came up with the idea that a person watching an hour long program would welcome the opportunity to see the creepy Burger King plastic-faced freak 6 times? A crackhead? What imbecile thought that if you show me a trailer for one of your other shows you are plugging that the first, second, third and fourth time won't catch my interest but the FIFTH time will be the charm??? NO, it makes me NOT want to watch your show simply for the fact that you are annoying the FUCK out of me!
GOOOOOOOOO!!!
Labels: Geico, network, network programming, programming, ratings, reality, reality show, television
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